OH MY LIFE.


Why?? Why it feels so miserable??


Eventhough this is a holiday, I have to study because the carbon-chain grade...
I want to play games but suddenly the emulator didn't work...
There's actually someone's liking me and I'm starting to like him too, but we can't meet. Nor talk. And I don't even remember his face
Next week I'll be going to Medan again and I kinda don't want to see my sister yet but I want to go to Medan!!
I JUST WANT TO SLEEP SO THAT I COULD FORGET ALL THIS BUT I CAN'T GRR FEELING GUILTY I'M NOT STUDYING
AND WHEN I'M TYPING THIS WHY DOES THE BOLD CHARACTERS KEEP POPPING OUT GRRRRR

Everything makes me depressed!! Well, not exactly 'depressed' like I was in 4th semester... I'm just feeling... DUH. I mean, it's like... There's a great opportunity out there and I sit here, hesitating >:[

Come on, people seriously. I'm gonna rant tonight yes Imma rant so hard.

1. I'm on my holiday. Why do I have to study grr this is SO against the rules. No one's allowed to study in holiday!!
2. I have the emulator, I have the somewhat the-configuration-tools-and-utility-blahblahblahidon'tunderstand, but suddenly it didn't work!! >:[ Breath of Fire III I played several weeks ago was starting to get interesting!!
3. He likes me. And I like him. Why can't we meet? Why can't we talk? Why can't we go out together? Why can't I remember his face grrr WHY CAN'T I EVEN HAVE HIS PICTURE >:[
4. I have my own home in Medan yet I don't feel like spending much time there. Nuts sister ruining my life. 6 years, I tell ya. 6 YEARS.
5. Ooohh grrr I should've study. This is a great opportunity to change my grades!!
6. Oh no the bold characters' gone.

Aw fuck this I don't want to think about all this. I don't want to think about my shitty life that brought my grades go down (thanks jerk classmates), I don't want to think evil sister that ruined my life, I don't want to think about him because he's making me lonely, I don't want to think about the emulator because it doesn't work, I don't want to think about Medan... I think I'll just have to concentrate on my study. On holiday oooohhh grumblegrumbleajda;ldjas;ljdals

I just want to lead a normal, simple and happy life. I just want to think that... "so what if my sister doesn't like me the way I am? I don't like her the way she is either!!", "so what if I can't put make-ups on, I still can look decent and sweet", "so what if we can't meet or talk? That doesn't mean that I can't be happy without him duh get a grip", "so what if the emulator doesn't work I still have my NDS", "so what if my grades are bad all I have to do now is changing it"...

I want to have a simple thinking like that... Enough all this.
*put Pink - So What on iTunes*

I. Don't. Want. To. Think. About. It.
HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZEH!!

Seriously. Never know that it'd end up this way T^T

This is ridiculous. How could, in front of my own best friend, I got shy?? Just because she's his sister, but she's still my best friend, for crying out loud!!

Like, when I wanted to ask her if he had girlfriends before... I hesitated. What the hell did I hesitate for??? In the end, I asked her. But I still felt like an idiot -_-"

I want to meet him, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I WANT TO MEET HIIIIIIMMMM!!
But I can't... I have some problems with my sister and that makes me reluctant to go back home... Then again, by the time I can finally go back home, it's already fasting days... It's just not interesting and appropriate to hang out in fasting days!! T^T

Oh God... it's up to you. I give my all to you. It's not the way I plan, it's yours.
Sound Horizon - Elysion "Tragical Abnormal Love Stories"


I'm so impressed by this album. With the band too. Where else you can find a band with songs that creates stories?? And the lyrics too. It's like reading a novel.


I love 'Elysion' album the most. The others are good too. But Elysion is unique. It's about love stories, but it's abnormal and tragic. Only sick people would understand these things MWAHAHAHAHHA. *wait. I shouldn't be laughing about that...*

Let's see. 'Baroque' is about lesbian, 'Ark' is about brother-complex, 'Yield' is about father-complex.. And they all end up killing the ones they love. Basically, it's all about unrequited love. It's sad, actually...
Please, God...

 God... Is this feeling based only by my loneliness? Am I so desperate? Am I a fool?

God... Is it so wrong to ask to be loved by somebody? Is it wrong to ask for a happiness?

Is it too much?

Even this feeling is mine, only mine. I'm not sure about it. I don't want to have this feeling just because I'm lonely. I want it for real.

Not all things that I planned go smoothly. But please, God... Let me meet that person. I'm not sure if this is a lonely feeling or not... But I'm really looking forward for us to hang out together... I want to know him better. Not from his sister. From himself. From my own eyes.

God... I always believe in you. Good events or not, I'll always believe in you. I always believe that you love me, although you give me bad fortune. I always believe in you, so I pray to you... I'm asking you... Please let us meet once again.

God... I don't even remember his face because he seems to look away from me. Will you let me meet him once again, so I can recall his face... So that we have our own memories...

I know that only in you that I can pray. Only you that can make it happen. So please, God...

Currently listening to: Fujita Maiko - Aitai
OH. MY. GAWD.

Listening to Shinee - Noona You're So Pretty, I'm smiling widely.

What happened, you ask?

Okay. The thing is... I'm flattered, 'kay? My friend's little brother is -so she said- in love with me. What the hell!!?? It makes me want to laugh... But at the same time, I'm quite happy and flattered tee hee.

My friend said that her brother said that I was such a sweet girl, yet cool and he fell in love with me at the first sight. She said that his brother wondered why I don't have boyfriend. She even said that he kept dreaming about me. Was that a joke or what??

As much as I'm happy with this, I can't have a relationship with him. What, are you kidding me?? He's 4 years younger than me!! He's only a high school student!!
*oh wait I suddenly remember 'Seifuku Jama wo Suru'*
*play it on iTunes*
*...wait. This is not what we're supposed to talk*.
We can't possibly make it forever, right? I told my friend that I'd love to go out with him for only a month (for this holiday only). She said, "Hey!! That's my little brother, you JERK!!". -_-" As I thought.

Besides, he's my friend's little brother. Okay let me explain a bit. My friend has 4 siblings. The 2nd one is my friend too. 3rd one is a guy (and is a pilot now), the 4th one is him, and the 5th one is a cute little girl :D

Do you know what that means?? HE'S MY 2 BEST FRIENDS' BROTHER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! That's too much. I mean... What if something happened and I have to defend myself from my 2 best friends?? NO!!

My friend once said, "Don't worry, he won't desert you". Oh okay... What if... What IF I'm the jerk?? Now you see how complicated it is.

But don't you think it's kinda fun to go out with a guy who's 4 years younger than me... A guy who just laughs nervously and smiles shyly in front of me?? And to top it off... I want a boyfriend this holidayyyyy ;____;
I'm tempted... Somebody please stop me or I'll lose my 2 best friends T^T
"I Love Hot Teachers" statement is approved!!

Dayum. I like another teacher again. He never teaches my class, but he teaches me... -ehm, well... Us- outside the campus. He's quite young. I think he graduated only this year. We're only 4 years younger than him.

He wears glasses and he has a sweet smile. Unfortunately, he's a bit... Short -_-" (IF NOT TOO SHORT!!). As for his personality, I think he's too kind. You can somewhat tell it from his face. He teaches people for free. He's not really strict, there were times that I got the feeling he couldn't make up his mind. But don't get me wrong, he's smart, you know (duh, it's obvious that teachers are smart!! -_-"). He's a bit religious (I think?)... So I don't want to approach him any further...

...Indeed, people say, "Find a new love if you want to forget the old one". That is SO true. It helps, really. Pfft yeah. I talked like he's mine, duh -_-"

I think it's going to be another unrequited love because... You know. Meh. He's religious, and I'm... He's smart and I'm... He's short and I'm... Taller than him tee heeeeeeee << Okay, this one, I'm joking.
What I'm trying to say is... We're different. He's that and I'm this.

I think he's popular among girls. Eventhough he's a shortie, but he's handsome, smart, kind, religious, gentle (I think??)... All you can ask for a partner. He's absolutely a boyfriend material. Or even... Husband?? Teeee heeee...

The competition (to get him?? What do you think he is? A prize??) is too high. I can't compete (and I kinda don't want to). But it's okay for me to make him as an eye candy... Hmmmm sweeeeeeeeett *evil smirk*
And his glasses?? NICE. *grin*