Nowadays, I've come to realize that loving someone is not that simple. True, it doesn't need a reason. But what do you expect? What do you expect from loving someone? Do you expect them to love you back? Or you 'just' love them, whether they love you back or not?

They say that unconditional love is real love. Or is it, really? Is it really what we want? Unrequited love sure sounds cruel.

I've been thinking... For what? For what do I have to have this feeling? Loving someone who doesn't even love me back... I mean, what? All of this is starting to become a waste.

Say, let me put you in a condition. You like someone. You might even love them. But you're not sure if they're going to love you back or not. And now what? Do you approach them? Do you try to get closer to them? Or you choose just to sit back, and see if they approach you first?
Then what if they don't approach you?

I don't have any courage to approach someone. And I really can't see the reason to.

Little by little, I feel that my feelings for someone has become a waste. I feel that I have no reason to like someone.
It feels like I produce a large amount of bread, but no one buys it. Sooner or later, I become bankrupt and I have to close my bakery. Can I call this the same case? Do I really have to close my heart forever?
I Didn't Know I Was Looking For Love



I was alone thinking I was just fine
I wasn’t looking for anyone to be mine
I thought love was just a fabrication
A train that wouldn’t stop at my station
Home alone, that was my consignment
Solitary confinement
So when we met I was gettin around you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you…


Coz there you stood and I would
Oh I wonder could I say how I felt and not be misunderstood
A thousand stars came into my system
I never knew how much I had missed them
Slap on the map of my heart you landed
I was coy but you made me candid
And now the planets circle around you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you…

So we build from here with love as the foundation
In a world of tears won consolation
And now you’re here there’s a full brass band
Playin’ in me like a wonderland
And if you left I would be two-foot small
And every tear would be a waterfall
Soundless, boundless I surround you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you
I just didn’t know...

:]
Chrono Cross


Yeaaaahhh this game. Fucking awesome. I don't care that you'll laugh at my face telling me that it's TOO late to play this game. Who cares?? At least I can taste the awesomeness MWAHAHHAHAHAAAA

You know, the system is not so bad. At first, I'm confused. RPG that doesn't have EXP points?? You gotta be kidding me. How am I suppose to gain levels -_-"
But then, that's when I knew... That Chrono Cross is kindly enough to NOT make its player tired. You know sometimes people just abusing the level-up system like 'level grinding' by fighting the monster over and over again. That's what I usually do, though HAHA
The reason why I level-grind is... I WANT 'EM MORE THAN DEAD.

Chrono Cross won't waste its player time to level-grind because their calculations of levels is just awesome, yes?? :D

At first, I'm not exactly impressed by the idea and system. But I made a decision that I shouldn't judge too quickly. Read below post, if you're still confused.
Now I'm hooked. Looking forward when I can play again. I can't because that fucking exam is on Friday. Sheeessshh >:[ I never liked exam (but then again, who does??)
Free Times To Play Games

Since when I didn't have time to play games anymore??? This is SO NOT right!! There are too many games I have yet to finish, let alone try. Psssshhh.

Okay this may sound weird, but I want to try all RPG games. In every platform. Or, at least, I have to try the famous ones. HAHA gimme a break. Even a gamer freak somewhere out there could never try ALL games. But seriously.

For the time being, I guess I'll have to catch up with old RPGs in old platforms, because I don't have any money to buy a next-gen platforms. My parents won't even buy me one. I even play PSX games on emulator. So I stopped being a baby who asks some toys from their parents... Screw it. When I graduate, I'll find jobs eventually, get a lot of money and the first thing I'll buy is gaming platform WOOOYEAAAHHH.

But why am I feeling lazy? Sheeesshh. I just want to sleep all day than to do something. I even skipped lunch just because I was lazy to go out.

That's when I knew, that when I'm feeling lazy JUST to play games, there's something wrong with me.

If I'm lazy to play some games, I could be lazy to do all things!! Nooooooo ;A;
I have to change this. Start from the game. Tonight, I'm gonna play Chrono Cross.
The Art of Giving Attention

Sometimes, I just don't get it. Sure, giving attention is one of the procedure of approaching someone, but come on. It's so corny. And it just doesn't make any sense anymore.
"Have you ate yet?"
"Have you did your prayer?"

Do I look like a grade schooler to you?? Huh?? What the fuck man. I'm 22. I totally know when to eat and when to do prayers, and to do other primary things.

And I doubt that people who say this to me really care about me having dinner or not. Somehow, it sounds like they just trying to make a conversation. Almost all people do this when they approach someone, the honesty level is too low. They do this as if it's the ritual of approaching... Don't they have a better way to give someone attention??

And when I say, "No, I haven't ate yet", they always answer, "Why? You'll get sick". You know, I HIGHLY doubt that NOT having dinner in 8 PM would get me sick. I always eat in 9-10 PM, because I have to wait for my father first.

I wonder what is inside the mind of these kind of people. Do they not realize that their 'attention target' is an adult? I honestly think that even middle schoolers know exactly when they have to do things.

...Unless your target is a grade schooler, which I think it's a perfect way to approach them.

I don't even know why I make such a fuss out of this. Maybe almost men I met always do this trick. Now I know why I don't have a boyfriend. LOL.
Fictional Character Look-a-like

I was reminiscing about my childhood yesterday (well, sort of...). I remember when I was around... 10? 11? Around that. I loved to watch MTV. All day, all time. I never watched anything else except MTV (that time, now I don't care about TV anymore...).

So there was a techno group called 'Eiffel 65'. Haha LOL I thought they were French, but they were Italian. I just found out yesterday -_-" Btw why the heck did they named it 'Eiffel'?? Geez...

I'm not actually a fan of techno music, but Eiffel 65 is pretty catchy :D
I assume you know their biggest hit 'Blue Da Ba Dee'?? No? Ah it's okay. It's been a long time anyway. And they broke up in 2005.

So, back to 'my reminiscence'. I watched their videos on YT, haha it's always fun to reminiscence. I started with their biggest hit video, Blue Da Ba Dee. Then I remember there was a hot member that I kinda like... But I didn't really remember. Was it the keyboardist?? Was it the DJ?? But it's obviously not the vocalist, though HAHA. Sorry no offense, I think the vocalist is quite cute actually, but I can't stand bald guys... T^T

It was the DJ. His name is Gabry Ponte. 1st impression (haha not actually the 1st, but meh): He looks like a game character. ...Or anime character.

That means he's hawt, yeah HAHA. And to tell you the truth, he's one in a million westerner that look like game character :D A lot of game character look-a-like are from Japanese, I think.

But I can't remember what game... Was it Tekken? Or was it Cardcaptor Sakura anime?? And what makes he looks like a game character? I think it's the eyebrows -_-" Now that I think about it, it's pretty strange LOL. But seriously. I think he looks a lot like a character that CLAMP (the old style, Cardcaptor Sakura era) would draw :D

And to make him more look-a-like, he does martial arts :D


Smiling Long-Haired Glasses Guy

Recently, I played 'Hiiro no Kakera' DS and currently I'm reading 'Trinity Blood'.

...Which makes me think that... There's a similarity. Smiling Long-Haired Glasses Guy.
Well yeah except Oomi Suguru in Hiiro no Kakera is not silly like Abel Nightroad in Trinity Blood.

Aaaaaaannddd!! Need I mention the other Smiling Long-Haired Glasses Guy (my, that was long)?? Okay, if you insist, then... Do you remember Kristoph Gavin??

Ahhh... Long haired guys in reality can never be as hot as the fictional ones.

Now I want to state my opinions about Oomi Suguru and Abel Nightroad.

Oomi Suguru
First impression: He looks gentle. I used to like these type of character, but now... Mmm, how should I put this... Oomi Suguru is not my favorite character in Hiiro no Kakera. I like Yuiichi Komura better. But Oomi Suguru can be the 2nd one :D
I mean, he's TOO gentleeeeee grrr a man should have some toughness, you know. Rrraaaahhh!! But I like the seiyuu. Daisuke Hirakawa <3 !!!

Abel Nightroad
Whoa. This guy is irresistible. But he can be a turn-off to me if he puts a idiot face like in the anime (like in eps 1, he starts drooling like he never sees sugars -_-"). But I like him in the manga!! His clumsiness and silliness is adorable (somehow it's different from the anime). There are times that he makes us laugh, and other times he makes us go 'aaaawwww...', the other time he makes us 'kyun-kyun' and 'doki-doki'...
And he's silver-haired. Wooooyeaaaaagghh like Sephiroth *squeeeeee*
Do you realize that Trinity Blood is a SHOUJO manga?? LOL I didn't realize it.

There are some traits in characters that always attract me.
Blue-haired. Silver-haired. Always smiling. GLASSES (need I say more?). Silliness (sometimes, not all characters). Formal performance (be it a uniform, or a tuxedo, or just a plain suit...).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *squee*
Now I know the reason why I don't have a boyfriend. It seems like I'm too into fictional guys *sigh*